Deservedness…

What does each human deserve?
This is a hard question to answer.  In general, of course we can answer the question like this…

As per the United States of American’s Declaration of Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men (people) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rghts, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…

Well, that’s it!  Case closed.  Wise people centuries ago already answered the question!

Well… actually it’s not that easy, is it?

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Sense of Equality – FAIRNESS

Last year, I was a governor working in a wealth family.  My job was to take care of a 4 year old boy and teach him English.  Interestingly enough, often when he didn’t want to do something, the follow words would come out of his mouth…

He would utter such words in many different situations, such as when I told him it was time for a lesson, after two hours or more of playing… or when I asked him to help me clean up his toys.

I eventually agreed with him… I told him that he was correct…

As I would proceed to explain to him that it wasn’t fair that I made his bed and served his food and that he only had to help me clean up.  Then I would sit down and wait until he felt more motivated to do what he should…

The problem is that most of us humans are greedy.  We inherently want as much benefit for ourselves as possible.  Of course, not everybody behaves this way, but most do.  (We could go off on the tangent of “does altruism really exist,” but I won’t at this time…)

Additionally, humans are psychologically wired to believe that if an individual believes that he or she deserves more then we tend to believe it.

Why It Pays To Be A Jerk

(You can also refer to one book that really changed my thoughts on how the world really works, “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene)

In my opinion… a cry for FAIRNESS is a cry to have OTHERS behave in such a way, a predictable way, so that I can benefit…

… How often to do see someone say,

“Hey! my salary is TOO high, pay me less…”

“Hey! my husband/wife is TOO good, give me one that is lower level!”

“Hey! this food is too good for this price!  I NEED to pay more!”

“Hey! my boss is too good, give me someone more difficult to work with!”

…

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Your Worldview

I don’t really believe that people think the world is “fair”.  Unthinkingly, many people will say, “Yes, it is.”  They believe that God or Karma or some Cosmic force will give them what they “deserve“…

And what we deserve is subjective (see the song link above)…

School teacher – professional athlete dilemma – Why is it that those who are very essential to developing members of society, those responsible to giving direction to the people, who will direct the human race, paid relatively little compared to those who primary purpose is to entertain?

How many star athletes complain that different teams didn’t offer them enough money from the steps of their palaces which are their homes?

But, as for me, I no longer think about this “dilemma.”  When you understand “The Laws of Power,” it all makes sense…

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On the other hand…

I do not believe that HUMANS are all powerful.  There is a Cosmic Force that influences what happens on this world (and the universe in general)… I will call this Force – God.  (I almost hate to do so, since God’s name has been dragged through the mud, but humans who want to use God’s name to justify their own ambitions… so maybe Comic Force (CF) is better…)

CF is much beyond human understanding.  We paltry humans can’t even start to comprehend the intricacies of our own little world.  We are so limited in our understanding of causal relationships between our actions and their second or third degree results.

If CF could understand only to the sixteenth level, what is that, like a billion times more than our own comprehensive abilities?  Yet, I believe CF can comprehend even more, at least to the 100th degree…

How could we hope to comprehend how CF thinks?!?!

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Social Constraints

We humans, limit our world to what we can comfortably understand… what we can comfortably accept…

We have created rules of existence in order to determine “appropriate” behavior.  We, however, don’t (usually) do this individually.  We do it societally.  Members of societies are encouraged (coerced) to “following the rules”.  (Even “rebellion” often has “social rules” too… if you don’t believe me, watch teenagers – societies “rebels” they have strong social rules which dictate how they can “rebel” (and be “cool”))

The influence of society and social constraints serve the purpose of creating consistency, stability, and predicability.  It also maintains the “status quo”.

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But…

almost all social environments are hierarchical, and usually the hierarchy is shaped like a pyramid.  This is simply a “truth” of human society (maybe it’s instinctual for us as a species to form hierarchies…).

And in my understanding, those closest to the top of the pyramid feel less constrained by social rules….

they feel “elite”

… special.

.. exceptional

Yet, they push to conserve the social rules, which conveniently maintain their elite position.  (I remind you of the article above about jerks… jerks only benefit if other “play by the rules” and they don’t…)

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Who / What Is In Control?

Ultimately, I believe that CF is in control, but CF gives humans quite a bit of liberty (on our planet at least) to do as we want…

Yet due to our inherent limitations of our comprehension and understanding, we can’t even come close to understanding how our social systems truly work.  And honestly, I think most of us want to put our heads in the sand and just hope that by “following the rules” we will “get ahead…”

DESERVEDNESS

Deservedness does not really exist.  If it does exist, who can truly say “who deserves what?”  We, humanity, exist in a vast, beyond vast universe that we through the necessity of our limited minds choose to ignore (so in essense in our daily lives we ignore the vast vastness of reality).

To truly understand what each person “deserves” one would need Cosmic Understanding…

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What we call “deservedness” is really a more palatable name for SELF-SERVEDNESS.  Like the child, who cries, “It’s not FAIR!,” we really want to say, why can’t I have (everything) that I want!

And oh… how easy is it to talk ourselves into believing what we

WANT = “Fair”

And let’s be honest… we usually are biased in our assessments.  We most often make comparisions of our current life position with others’ life positions that have gotten “more” but who we perceive to be equally or less “deserving” than ourselves… rarely do we compare the other way.

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HONESTLY

I will be honest.  I DO have a bias and I want “A Little Bit More”…  It does irk me, when I don’t feel financially secure, when I feel like I am a competent professional and some “yahoo” is getting paid up the wazoo because he or she happens to be in good with someone of wealth…

And yes, I also know that their are people just as qualified or more qualified (and maybe even talented) than me, who are scraping by just to put food in their mouths.

(and their is the athlete, who gets paid millions to kick a ball around too! And children born with a silver spoon in their mouths…)

Life is NOT Fair… At least not according to human comprehension… (I believe that it is to CF’s comprehension, but we can’t hope to understand CF’s comprehension…)

So in many ways, I will take what I can get…

On a side note, many people might call that outlook “greedy’ in the context of money… but not so many in the context of relationships…

How many people would disappove of someone saying that they want the best man/woman they can get…?

(This would be an interesting topic to explore 🙂 )

THE SELF And CREATING VALUE

A Person’s Value DOES NOT Come From His/Her ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Women are actually experts at detecting this, especially in men.  They can understand how a man feels about himself, regardless of how much he has or has not accomplished…

But think about it… who really wants a “success” person, who feels horrible about himself / herself?  Such people are miserable and are miserable to be around.

Really, we need to stop thinking that we need to “earn” value.  Value comes when a person has a deep sense of being “right” with himself / herself, with the universe (or God, if you will).

Value based on “success” is fickle.  As long as a person feels “successful” he or she feels valuable.  But my experience has taught me, that feeling “successful” all too quickly wears off.  And soon, I’ve found myself having the need to again “prove” my ability to be “successful.”

Intrinsic value is Powerful.  Circumstances cannot destroy it.

And Granted – People who feel intrinsically valuable often are successful… but even when they are no longer feeling the effects of a recent success, their feelings of value are unaltered.

In fact, even in the worst conditions, they STILL feel valuable.

Because their Strength come from WITHIN and not from Without.

Permanently Changing Your Way Of BEING Is Extremely Hard!

It IS possible to change, “who you are…”

BUT I takes an ENORMOUS amount of work!

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Currently, I’m trying to regain my “take me as I am,” attitude I used to have, while upgrading my social awareness.

(in essence, I’ve always wanted to become better and better at social awareness, but I believe until recently I had been unaware of vital information to allow me to do so…)

I’m convinced that there are two sets of “rules”…

•  The rules we are told and taught…
• The rules that actually are applicable to society

Over the past month or so, I’ve been studying to learn about the latter set of rules…

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Unfortunately, Ihave found, that knowledge of these rules is not enough.

Even a thorough understanding is ineffective…

What is needed is the application of these rules, in my everyday living!

AND It’s very difficult to change the way that I’ve been acting and change the way that I’ve been thinking…

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BUT I must keep my eyes on the prize!

I want a HAPPY ENDING 😀

I keep reminding myself about this goal and I try to move closer to learning how to create the most enriching social relationships possible, the ones that I’ve always dreamed about, and finding as much joy in living as possible!

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It’s a difficult path. Change ALWAYS Is.  There are some impediments.

• Natural resistance to change (even if we don’t get the results we want there is a strong tendency (inertia) to continue doing what we have always done…)

• Self-doubt (Real change is often a solitary process – the vast majority of people don’t want to put in the huge but necessary investment needed to change the way the they think… But even the ones who start down the path of change face discouragement soon after some of the “fruits of their labor” start to be evident in their lives.)

Doubt is very strong! When start to recognize the signs that something different is happening (we are (finally) receiving different results).  There are “voices” in our heads telling us that the “changes” we have seen in our life are simply

• Illusions
• Anomalies
• A result of random chance (not behavior change)

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I guess what I want to tell everyone, is that WE ALL Can Be Better!

But You Need To Really, Really, Really Want It – You Got To FIGHT For It!

(You Might Require Guidance – In The Form Of Real Straight-Talk)

And You Need To Play Up The Littlest Perceived Results In Your Mind…

because DOUBT WILL INEVITABLY creep in!

BEING THE “BEST” – Is BUNK!

Rising out of the Crucible of Competition… Throw everyone into the fire and we will end up with “only the ‘Best'”…

Somehow or another the world has “regressed” to the belief that “being the ‘Best'” is what is necessary for getting a sense of achievement.

Or another way of putting it, we live our lives to competiting with each other as if when we finally “earn the Crown of ‘BEST’, we will have feel fulfilled and have unquestioning universal admiration…

But let’s think about it… does it make sense?

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• Only a FOOL believes that those declared the BEST really ARE the BEST…

These people maybe be good, certainly they excel… but the probability that the absolute BEST person in any field of knowledge of the 7 billion + people on the planet… actually has been found.

Maybe the Better person, or more accurately the BEST person,  doesn’t have the chance to show, to be involved in this field, to develop his or her skills because other things are more pressing.

Example: The best sportsperson, might have to worry about supporting his or her family.  The best artist, might not have someone to promote him or her…

• Recognition as the BEST is more important that BEING the BEST.

Very few people will actively look for people, who will be declared better.

Imagine a woman, who is declared the most attractive person in the world saying…

“Wait!  I want to be 100% sure, I’m the most beautiful!  Please search every corner of the world and see if you can find women more beautiful than I!”

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So…

• The “BEST” is mostly like not actually the BEST

And

• Our Ego won’t allow other to “dethrone” us once we are declared the best… (assuming, of course, it within our power to forestall them)

So…

In essense, we actually do not and can never be 100% certain that we can know…

Who Is The Best…

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THEREFORE

• Seeking the BEST and to be the BEST is an exercise in futility…

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Let’s be honest… The problem is not whether or not, “I Am The Best…”

The problem is Ego.  We want to be crowned “BEST,” because secretly we are afraid that we are NOT.

We think that if others unequivocally recognize us as “the BEST,” we can finally convince ourselves unequivocally that we are (good capable people)…

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NOW

I don’t want to “throw the baby out with the bath water…”
I am not saying the standards and evaluation is bad…

but what I am saying is –

• Compete with YOURSELF (As opposed to others)

Be better than YOU were before and Don’t Worry About What Others Think Of You.

Obiviously all 7 billion + of us cannot possibly be “The ‘BEST'”… but we can “crown” ourselves for being more true to ourselves by…

Finding Out – “What Makes ME Happy?”

And Focus On

improving those areas of your life that make YOU feel like you are doing things that Better YOU!

THE PATH To Freedom And Inner Peace

The HARDEST lesson to learn is that the world won’t change for you!

The hardest LESSON to learn is that the world won’t change for you!

The hardest lesson to LEARN is that the world won’t change for you!

The hardest lesson to learn is that the WORLD won’t change for you!

The hardest lesson to learn is that the world WON’T CHANGE for you!

The hardest lesson to learn is that the world won’t change FOR YOU!

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The Boy And The Viper

There was once a young boy.  He was a normal boy, curious, playful, optimistic.  One day when he was playing, he happened upon a viper.  He had never seen a snake before in his life, so curiously he approached.  He walked up to the snake as non-threateningly as possible, palm open fingers wide to show his friendly intent.

But suddenly the viper shot towards his hand and protruded it’s fangs and bit deeply into the boy’s hand…

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In this story, you really cannot fault the boy.  He is inexperienced; he doesn’t see the danger that the viper represents.

But how many of us (By “us” I include myself), make similar mistakes in our daily lives.  Yet, we should really know better!  Sometimes I think we take the “Golden Rule” too far.  (“Do to others as you want them to do to you.”)  And actually it’s because we are too egocentric.  We think to ourselves, what would I do, if someone did this to me.

We make a mistakes of Making Ourselves Innocent.  And just like the boy, we reach out a curious friendly hand, but are Shocked when the viper bites.

Just think about it.  Think about what other people do to make you upset.  They lie and say things you don’t like… they do things that you don’t like.

BUT how often to we ACTUALLY look at other people and evaluate THEIR Nature?  How often do we look at someone else and see if they have an aggressive, greedy, or dangerous nature?
I think the problem is too often we see others as “just like me,” and not for who they really are.

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Now when a viper bites, should we really harbor resentment against the viper.  Vipers naturally don’t trust humans.  They see us as a threat.  The bite the viper gave the boy… wasn’t personal… it was just instinct!

But too often we treat others who “harm” us in life like this.  We think that it’s personal…

“He did that to hurt me!!!”

Then we leave the situation poisoned by bitterness, anger, hurt, which sometimes festers and becomes hatred.

And how often do we make the foolish mistake of reaching out to the viper again, only to allow it to increase on the harm already done?

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I don’t want to seem to advocate never being nice to anyone, but only to not expect others to react just like you.  If it’s in your nature to be kind and give to others, do it… but only a little bit and see the reaction.

Maybe if the boy got outside of himself and his own feelings, he might see the telltale signs of inherent danger in the viper’s behavior as he stepped towards the snake.

Then he might have adverted the bite and wouldn’t have been harmed in any way…

Snowdancer – A Natural Beauty

I walked out that morning to a familiar scene.  Nothing seemed different, everything was just like it had always been.  But had a been more aware, I would have notice a subtle shift in the air.

Then suddenly the performance commenced. From behind a curtain of gray emerged a small agile sprite.  She float to and fro as she made a graceful descent and landed lightfully on a tree.  Then another emerged and performed her own elegant motions as she floated into position.

The conductor of event made a sweeping movement and all of a sudden an army of dancers erupted on the scene.  Each enveloped in a soft faintly glowing white, gradually recolored the scene with a serenity.

And just as quickly as it started, the performance stopped.

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Many were present for the performance…

Some were complete oblivious – They were Focused.  They were driven.  “Daily wonders” meant nothing to them.

Some saw, felt something but soon forgot – For a moment it seemed the performance would touch their hearts, but as their hearts opened up, an avalanche of pressing problems closed off the connection.

But some saw – paused for a moment and saw a radiance in Snowdancer simple, yet endearing beauty… and created etched yet another happy moment in the stream of a lifetime of memories.

 

 

UNIQUENESS…

I was thinking about what endears me to other people and I realize that it’s uniqueness.

When I think about my friends… when I think about my students… when I think about my family…

It not the things that each person has in common with others that makes me feel closer to them, but what makes each person different.

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My students for example…
With my young students – I love the exuberant laughter of one, the voracious hunger of another for knowledge of another.
The nervousness, but trying to be “cool”-ness of my teens…

With my adults…
The eagerness to express themselves in English, desire to see unique places, the desire for a better life, etc.

Each of my students, in my mind, I see as an unique individual. Each one must be supported in a unique way that works for only each one. Each one has unique strengths and unique weaknesses.

Teaching can be such an intimate process and it’s always rewarding when you see one of your students succeed.

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But as I mentioned, my students are just an example…

I (clearly) understand that the reason I love meeting new people is to find uniqueness. And the more oblivously unique the person is (as long as that person is within my acceptable limits) the more interesting that person is.

I understand that this is not a conscious choice, but it’s innate. I WANT TO BE ENRICHED.

I could have surrounded myself with the “FAMILIAR,” but if that was my intent I would be back in the United States of America. I belong in the “exotic” place… the new place… the uncharted “territory” (where as there are very few, if any places left to explore in this world, members of communities have huge gaping holes in their understanding of other societies, cultures, and communities – yet ironically many are convinced that they don’t (or even worse – what they don’t know is insignificant))

To be honest, I don’t understand…
– NOT wanting to understand
– NOT wanting to learn more
– Desiring to conform the rest of the world to one’s view (okay… honestly I can understand this one  )

But to me… LEARNING is LIVING. And so much of what we can learn is not in the classroom… not on the job… there are “lessons” all around us, if we take time to look.

Sometimes, as I’m walking around the city (Moscow) and I see the trees budding or the oddity of the ripe strawberry on a vine encased in snow and ice… do people see (the world) as I see?

Do they notice the details beyond what is necessary for them to get from Point A to Point B? Or are their lives consumed by “have to’s” and exasperation concerning all the things “lacking” in their lives? (Hence the grumpiness and aggressive attitudes displayed by so many…)