Divining Humanity

Seek The Essense Of Humanity

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Drowning – The Trap of Being A Genius

I “love” the stereotypes – sic… 

– “They think they are so much better than us!”

– “They love ‘bragging’ about how smart they are!”

– “They…”
Well, you know what… Maybe we don’t!!!  Maybe we wish that there would not be mountains of literature about “how anyone could be a genius.” Or about “different” types of genius… Or, or,…
Can you imagine the IMMENSE Pressure we feel to be “just like everyone else”!?!?

The world wants to ‘water us down’.  You want at every chance to deny our existence!  

So many of us just want to be seen as “normal”.  We remember what it was like in early childhood as adults smiled and marveled at our ingenuity… only to be replaced by disdain and denial of our talents in adulthood. 

Many of us, like me, only want to use our insights to help others see.  But over and over you make us feel guilty and distraught, when offer up our suggestions for a better way or better world, so that you can talk about office gossip or the most recent sporting event, or your “success” in your hobby.
Society loves “diversity” but only if that restricted within one standard deviation of the mean!!!
WE have to learn how to communicate in a manner COMFORTABLE for you.  Why do you persist in demeaning us?!?! 

Are we not Human too!  And even if we “minic” the steps that YOU define as success (We become athletes, arts, competent professionals), still you don’t respect us enough to…

Listen to our voices in our own tones

Or at least grant us a measure of solace by acknowledging that we exist without making us feel GUILTY that we do! (Trust me, we live with enough self-doubt as it is, we definitely don’t need others to heap it more on us!)
Oh… since early childhood, I’ve yearned for a community of peers that wouldn’t make me feel like a FREAK!  Especially when my strongest desire has been to make things better…


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“DifFeRenT” – The Irony of Unstanding Multiple Viewpoints except “normal”…

I can say this… pretty much as am absolute truth.

  1. I accept myself.
  2. The world does not except me.  (You really don’t understand me.  It’s true.)


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Since the time I was a little boy, recall what many might consider – Schizophrenia.  In actually it’s similar I suppose, but it’s not Schizophrenia.  I just assume most people don’t experience this… because it haven’t observed signs of the majority of others having similar experiences.

Anyways, sometimes it seems that my “brain” thinks on it’s own.  I remember times in math class when given rather complex equations and before I registered the math problem in my conscious mind, a near estimate had been presented for pickup…

My whole life, I have often “just know” the answers to cognitive problems, only then to have my sluggish consciousness have to do the “laborious” computations.

And then when I start to come up with a plan… there is that exhilarating rush of my mind sprinting “off to the races!”

And the times when my thoughts move so fast that it’s impossible to do verbal expression of them simultaeously.  I would have to be able to speak 3 or 4 times faster than humanly possible!

Then… there are the times when I feel my brain trying to rearrange and reestabilish coherent correlations between large amounts of data from various sources, subjects, events, etc. in order to establish a more complete understand or correct a misconception…


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THIS is my “normal”, which I a reasonably high level of certainty that most people have no way of coming close to relating to…

It’s a bittersweet “normal”.  It’s me.  (well… at least this “brain” lives inside my head… therefore most would assume that it’s an innate part of me… yet if sometimes feels separate…)

And it’s not FAIR!!! I probably can understand you. (If you were honest and open enough to let me try.)

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And your (simplistic) response – “Stop thinking so much.”

I might as well respond – “Stop breathing!!!!”

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Understanding – The Nearly Impossible Sonata To Master

“I understand you!”

But do you?  Many people say this phrase often, but I tend to disbelieve them.  Understanding involves “contradictions”. 

– In order to understand someone else, I must FIRST understand… MYSELF.  But to understand oneself, if done correctly is a difficult task.  You have to metaphorically take yourself apart, your psyche, into the smallest elements and then “put yourself together” and understand how those parts make a whole…

I pose some questions to you:

  • Why do you believe, what you believe?   Again – why do YOU believe what you believe?
  • Why are certain things “right” and certain things “wrong”?
  • Why is it wrong to murder in cold blood?
  • Why is it wrong to steal or cheat?
  • Why is it wrong to leave your home in a mess?
  • Why is it wrong to leave the toilet seat up?

People have so many “rules” about what is right and what is wrong… but how many honestly question if those things are truly (in a Cosmic or Universal sense) right or wrong… or simply believe what they have “learned”…

And how many are willing to accept that many of our beliefs about right and wrong are simply a choice we made to choose… TOTALLY without LOGIC!
I left Christianity because so many “Christians” told me that I needed to “just believe!”…

– Most people are whole unwilling to admit this, but the vast majority of us are terrible, TERRIBLE at understanding others

We are so quick to place others in nice and neat “categories”.  We love to take one aspect about a person (and for the more “sophisticated” three or four) and voila! we CREATE a whole complete person within our minds!

We instantly understand all (or enough of his or her) hopes, fears, wishes, etc.  We can “completely” relate to that other person!
BUT, OF COURSE, as my sarcasm is trying to help to illustrate – PEOPLE ARE NOT SO SIMPLE… Not so easily summarized!
If you want to understand someone else, you have to perform a SIMILAR process as you should be doing with ourself… 

You must discover all the different pieces of someone else and then see how those piece make a whole.

– Now let’s be honest… when we are in a room with another person or other people… the most interesting person in that room – usually – is ME! (“I”)

Yes, I think about the other person, but I my thoughts have a tendency refocus on myself and what I want (to say… to do). 

“So hurry up and say what you need to say!  Already!!!”

BUT the “SECRET” is this:

We must focus on the other person, but not quickly “jump to conclusions”… And when we inevitably do, we must understand that our model of that person is only a First Draft… later to be revised as we get new information.

– Now… how to become a MASTER at understanding!!!

We must use our understand of our own selves and our motivation to try to understand the connection between

  • Motivations
  • Perceptions
  • Actions / Inactions

Then and only then… Can we START to understand… someone else…

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What does each human deserve?
This is a hard question to answer.  In general, of course we can answer the question like this…

As per the United States of American’s Declaration of Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men (people) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rghts, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness…

Well, that’s it!  Case closed.  Wise people centuries ago already answered the question!

Well… actually it’s not that easy, is it?

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Sense of Equality – FAIRNESS

Last year, I was a governor working in a wealth family.  My job was to take care of a 4 year old boy and teach him English.  Interestingly enough, often when he didn’t want to do something, the follow words would come out of his mouth…

He would utter such words in many different situations, such as when I told him it was time for a lesson, after two hours or more of playing… or when I asked him to help me clean up his toys.

I eventually agreed with him… I told him that he was correct…


As I would proceed to explain to him that it wasn’t fair that I made his bed and served his food and that he only had to help me clean up.  Then I would sit down and wait until he felt more motivated to do what he should…

The problem is that most of us humans are greedy.  We inherently want as much benefit for ourselves as possible.  Of course, not everybody behaves this way, but most do.  (We could go off on the tangent of “does altruism really exist,” but I won’t at this time…)

Additionally, humans are psychologically wired to believe that if an individual believes that he or she deserves more then we tend to believe it.

Why It Pays To Be A Jerk

(You can also refer to one book that really changed my thoughts on how the world really works, “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene)

In my opinion… a cry for FAIRNESS is a cry to have OTHERS behave in such a way, a predictable way, so that I can benefit…

… How often to do see someone say,

“Hey! my salary is TOO high, pay me less…”

“Hey! my husband/wife is TOO good, give me one that is lower level!”

“Hey! this food is too good for this price!  I NEED to pay more!”

“Hey! my boss is too good, give me someone more difficult to work with!”

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Your Worldview

I don’t really believe that people think the world is “fair”.  Unthinkingly, many people will say, “Yes, it is.”  They believe that God or Karma or some Cosmic force will give them what they “deserve“…

And what we deserve is subjective (see the song link above)…

School teacher – professional athlete dilemma – Why is it that those who are very essential to developing members of society, those responsible to giving direction to the people, who will direct the human race, paid relatively little compared to those who primary purpose is to entertain?

How many star athletes complain that different teams didn’t offer them enough money from the steps of their palaces which are their homes?

But, as for me, I no longer think about this “dilemma.”  When you understand “The Laws of Power,” it all makes sense…

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On the other hand…

I do not believe that HUMANS are all powerful.  There is a Cosmic Force that influences what happens on this world (and the universe in general)… I will call this Force – God.  (I almost hate to do so, since God’s name has been dragged through the mud, but humans who want to use God’s name to justify their own ambitions… so maybe Comic Force (CF) is better…)

CF is much beyond human understanding.  We paltry humans can’t even start to comprehend the intricacies of our own little world.  We are so limited in our understanding of causal relationships between our actions and their second or third degree results.

If CF could understand only to the sixteenth level, what is that, like a billion times more than our own comprehensive abilities?  Yet, I believe CF can comprehend even more, at least to the 100th degree…

How could we hope to comprehend how CF thinks?!?!

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Social Constraints

We humans, limit our world to what we can comfortably understand… what we can comfortably accept…

We have created rules of existence in order to determine “appropriate” behavior.  We, however, don’t (usually) do this individually.  We do it societally.  Members of societies are encouraged (coerced) to “following the rules”.  (Even “rebellion” often has “social rules” too… if you don’t believe me, watch teenagers – societies “rebels” they have strong social rules which dictate how they can “rebel” (and be “cool”))

The influence of society and social constraints serve the purpose of creating consistency, stability, and predicability.  It also maintains the “status quo”.

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almost all social environments are hierarchical, and usually the hierarchy is shaped like a pyramid.  This is simply a “truth” of human society (maybe it’s instinctual for us as a species to form hierarchies…).


And in my understanding, those closest to the top of the pyramid feel less constrained by social rules….

they feel “elite”

… special.

.. exceptional

Yet, they push to conserve the social rules, which conveniently maintain their elite position.  (I remind you of the article above about jerks… jerks only benefit if other “play by the rules” and they don’t…)

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Who / What Is In Control?

Ultimately, I believe that CF is in control, but CF gives humans quite a bit of liberty (on our planet at least) to do as we want…

Yet due to our inherent limitations of our comprehension and understanding, we can’t even come close to understanding how our social systems truly work.  And honestly, I think most of us want to put our heads in the sand and just hope that by “following the rules” we will “get ahead…”


Deservedness does not really exist.  If it does exist, who can truly say “who deserves what?”  We, humanity, exist in a vast, beyond vast universe that we through the necessity of our limited minds choose to ignore (so in essense in our daily lives we ignore the vast vastness of reality).

To truly understand what each person “deserves” one would need Cosmic Understanding…

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What we call “deservedness” is really a more palatable name for SELF-SERVEDNESS.  Like the child, who cries, “It’s not FAIR!,” we really want to say, why can’t I have (everything) that I want!

And oh… how easy is it to talk ourselves into believing what we

WANT = “Fair”

And let’s be honest… we usually are biased in our assessments.  We most often make comparisions of our current life position with others’ life positions that have gotten “more” but who we perceive to be equally or less “deserving” than ourselves… rarely do we compare the other way.

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I will be honest.  I DO have a bias and I want “A Little Bit More”…  It does irk me, when I don’t feel financially secure, when I feel like I am a competent professional and some “yahoo” is getting paid up the wazoo because he or she happens to be in good with someone of wealth…

And yes, I also know that their are people just as qualified or more qualified (and maybe even talented) than me, who are scraping by just to put food in their mouths.

(and their is the athlete, who gets paid millions to kick a ball around too! And children born with a silver spoon in their mouths…)

Life is NOT Fair… At least not according to human comprehension… (I believe that it is to CF’s comprehension, but we can’t hope to understand CF’s comprehension…)

So in many ways, I will take what I can get

On a side note, many people might call that outlook “greedy’ in the context of money… but not so many in the context of relationships…

How many people would disappove of someone saying that they want the best man/woman they can get…?

(This would be an interesting topic to explore 🙂 )


PARSING MY MIND – Part IV (Social Status)


PARSING MY MIND – Part I (The American Girl)

PARSING MY MIND – Part II (The Slavic (Russian/Ukrainian) Girl)

PARSING MY MIND – Part III (My Type Of Girl)

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My life in many ways is an Encyclopedia of Experiential Knowledge...

And this Chapter is labeled…



I have come to understand that I believe in a social hierarchy.

I was born into an American (upper) middle class family and since my father was in the military I soon became acquainted with idea of “hierarchy”.  I learned that I was not the center of the universe and that there were those who “outranked” me… Parents, teachers, etc. (even if I and my sister required the lion share of family resources…)

Sports reinforced this lesson.  The coaches were “gods.” If they said, “Jump!” the correct response was “how high?”

Then I joined the military myself (Academy cadet and later an officer).  Which only further reinforced the idea of hierarchy and the associated status.  But I also learned another lesson… there are expectations tied to the level one occupies within the hierarchy.

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Currently, I occupy two different positions as far as social status is concerned.  At my work for a very wealthy family, I am the governor of the family’s son.  I am a servant… but also a specialist and since I interact directly with one of the family members, among the staff, I occupy an important servant position…

Yet, I am consciously and continuously remind myself that I am only a servant and therefore second class when compared to family members… (I am “the hired help.”)

BUT… my salary is good. Once I walk out of the doors of that home, my social status changes.  Social status is very connected to the amount of money that a person spends (or more accurately how much money others believe that you can spend).

My current income places me in the American upper middle class… but compared to many Russian of lesser means I actually spend less.  (I’m thrifty… What can I say? 😛 ). But even so, I spend enough to look well off (I think) within Russian society…

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I have learned something from my job(s).  I see how the “rich” act and I believe that I will never achieve that social status, because I don’t have the “correct” attitude.  Even if I was to become a multimillionaire, I have understood that I will always spend much more conservatively than I could afford to spend.

I have my expensive “trinkets” (for me they are expensive)… The most advanced Samsung 10.1 Note, the most expensive iPhone on the mainstream market, a $250 watch (again expensive for me…), etc.  But you will rarely see me order the most expensive items on a restaurant menu and see me uneasy about paying for a $5 beer in Vegas… (It’s hard for me to justify paying more for something at one place, “simply because I want it.” when I can get the same or similar someplace else for less… even if I can easily afford it!)

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And then there is the “sacrifice”…

I’ve been around very economically successful people. I’ve observed them, I’ve listened to their conversation, and I’ve even talked to some.  What I have understood is that most rich people work VERY long hours. I currently work about 45 hours a week (and use 10 – 12 hours for my commute).  That’s less than 60 hours per week.

The wealthy often end up in very nice places, but they can work more than 100 hours per week and are never really “disconnected” from their work!

I know that I don’t want this type of life!  As much as I enjoy my work I:

Work to live not Live to work.

(And I don’t really have a reason to work “harder” except for the fear that I might not be able to continue my current type of job (and salary level) in the future).

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There are times, when I’m the servant in a room full of the affluent that I wish that I was mingling with them… but then I remind myself that though, I feel “equal” to them in intellect and capability, I don’t have the desire to whittle down my own personal life time just to recognized as one of “them.”

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Anyways, I’ve learned the nature of power.

Power is the ability to make others do what you want them to do.  Sometimes the servant wields just as much or more power than his or her master…

As long as I can get my primary goals met… I will happily be the dutiful servant… But once their goals and/or expectations conflict with my most important goals, then I will search for a new master…

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Humans – We Are More Emotional Than Logical Creatures… And Yet

There is a prevalent paradox in our existence…

For some reason we have this NEED to appear “rational,” yet many of our beliefs are emotionally based.

We think “how silly” when we look at some of the misguided (unscientific) beliefs of our ancient ancestors, but if you think about it – are most of us “superior” to them?

Most of our ancestors, believed that which they were told by others, unquestionably.  They unquestionably accepted the opinions of the people they admired and the “experts.”  (And ironically, often those opinions proved to be wrong…)

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I submit, these questions:

  • Have we changed?
  • Do we now, in this point in history, individually, question the “common knowledge” handed down and conveyed by others?

I think not…

I think, we too often place a veneer of logical to try to validate our emotional beliefs…

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Because… if we never “reason out” our own beliefs about the world… how can they not be anything but beliefs grounded in emotion?

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A Person’s Value DOES NOT Come From His/Her ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Women are actually experts at detecting this, especially in men.  They can understand how a man feels about himself, regardless of how much he has or has not accomplished…

But think about it… who really wants a “success” person, who feels horrible about himself / herself?  Such people are miserable and are miserable to be around.

Really, we need to stop thinking that we need to “earn” value.  Value comes when a person has a deep sense of being “right” with himself / herself, with the universe (or God, if you will).

Value based on “success” is fickle.  As long as a person feels “successful” he or she feels valuable.  But my experience has taught me, that feeling “successful” all too quickly wears off.  And soon, I’ve found myself having the need to again “prove” my ability to be “successful.”

Intrinsic value is Powerful.  Circumstances cannot destroy it.

And Granted – People who feel intrinsically valuable often are successful… but even when they are no longer feeling the effects of a recent success, their feelings of value are unaltered.

In fact, even in the worst conditions, they STILL feel valuable.

Because their Strength come from WITHIN and not from Without.